Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My hand turned me down
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
