my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize