She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
