I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
