If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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