You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
