Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry HiMyNameIsBill hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"

Fav 1 2977 821
share tweet
(718): View more from New York

They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule

Fav 44 1336 3674
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(608): View more from Wisconsin

I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.

Fav 18 7739 1191
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..

Fav 20 1771 4610
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?

Fav 6 2764 1099
share tweet
(425): View more from Washington

Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?

Fav 20 4252 1255
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(719): View more from Colorado

Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night

Fav 6 1732 855
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(781): View more from Massachusetts

I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2

Fav 0 51 46
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(530): View more from California

I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"

Fav 0 23 16
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT