He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
