I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
