I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
