I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There are leaves in my underwear?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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