i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
