The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
