you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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