You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
