if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
