i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
And then my night got REAL pukey
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
