Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Barsexuality is the new black.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
