Im at strip club and am horny
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
