I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
