So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
