there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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