Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
