I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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