so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sorry about my life...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
