I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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