An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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