New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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