i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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