i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
