if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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