Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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