I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
