well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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