she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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