After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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