Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
