Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
