I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
