You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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