So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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