I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
