She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
