hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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