Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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