My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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