I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
