Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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