Will you blow on my dice?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
