Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This house was built for laser tag.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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