Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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