Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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