nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
