dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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