Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
