My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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