What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
