you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
