i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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