Moan for me like Helen Keller
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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