Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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