Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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