my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My feet surprised me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
