you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i came on her dog
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
