i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
