My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
