Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
