i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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