pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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