i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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