I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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