Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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