someone owes me an orgasm
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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