another moral hangover. fuck.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
