WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Randomize
