Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
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please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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