It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
